Help For Noobs of Runescape!

Noob Money! For the noob who has nothing, Runescape has everything waiting for them. Whether your ponscionse is for bronze armour, buckets or simply bananas, it's all there for the noob to help himself. You'll soon have a bank account brimming with useful, if not price-less items. Remember high level players will sometimes pay ridiculous sums for large collections of banal items, like ahem, ashes and bones. In our humbleness, will we gain power!! I made my first million this way, you can too!

RS magical respawns are useful. On a full server the respawn rate might be 5 seconds! These could be runes, money or even garlic! The wilderness is full of respawns, that place which noobs have no fear of! Some good respawns: Garlic: 2nd floor of Draynor house (drop, and search again for more). Flour: Sinclair mansion, bottomless flour barrel! Air Runes: in woods, East of Draynor. Spades: Draynor Manor. Ale: in barrels everywhere. Snake weed, Karamaja vines. Red spider eggs, Edgeville dungeon. White Berries, Red Dragon maze.

Players With Amnesia!
When people fish and mine they invariably forget what they are doing, and leave LOADS of unclaimed items under their feet. Try Rimmington caves, Catherby fishing beach, or even tree choppers, rush in when they are not looking and claim it!

Kamakazee Players and Monster Drops!
When the murderers of Runescape are at their most bloodthirsty, they will leave behind them trails of cash and useful items, they cannot be bothered to pick up! Try Green Dragons lvl 21 wildy, Giants in Varrock sewers and Egdeville caves, Demons in Karamaja volcano, guard points, or anywhere you see a lot of killing go on. The players will even thank you for hovering up! For a decent blue suit, the Wizard's Castle may be littered with fine blue cloth!! Also, sadly many brave noobs die in battle, it's a shame to waste their precious objects! Recycle their goods! Hang around the sewers, mines and wildy, and you'll soon find some remains.

Farmers Fred's Fields!
We don't like stealing or killing as noobs, but farmers fields are the richest source of nutriment for a noob, corn, cabbages, onions, potatoes, dead chicken meat can all be harvested quick time in Draynor farmland! Remember our most beautiful and revered vegetable the cabbage can be worth 100gp each! Milking cows for players' cats is a must do! In RS2, you can grow your own foodstuffs...if you have the time, with the farming skill, but *cough* that requires lots of levelling up *yawn*

Begging For It!
This is an artform all noobs must master. What he requires is persistence and innocence. Appeal to the persons guilt and maternal instincts, by pleading in a child like voice. "Pleeeeeeasae can I have some free stuff, a monster just killed me! pleeease!", usually works when following high level players around for many hours. Use the follow option on them, and they can't escape, giving you time to beg! Remember there are many rich twits in Runescape, who will gladly like to see their noob friends in party hats or sponsored to make themselves feel good. But, please don't become annoying or aggressive. Or you could try the subtle approach, by becoming friends with high players, become their slaves, carrying their cod or collecting respawns, and you will be rewarded with showers of gold! Charity appeals may work in forums if you set a goal, or have an honest appeal to help a cause, like Spook’s Society for the Salvation of Disabled Ghosts.

Varrock Brothel!
NOT recommended by us at NoobSquad, selling your body to the virtual nookie hungry players at the Blue Moon Inn is a useful source of revenue to some people who might think of stooping this low. We are told they keep many sheeps bladders on the first floor. Having a makeover might help with this.

Banana Picking!
If you wish to sample the African sun, and enjoy a noobish part time job, then banana picking is for you, on Karamaja, one guy will pay 30 gp for 10 banana picked! And he doesn't mind how many you eat! Other menial jobs: The Old Man of Draynor gives gifts for errands. The General Store will pay menial wages for items you find on the ground. Buy silk in Ardougne and sell for profit in Al Karid. Good wages paid for fur collectors in Varrock and Ardougne. Shearing sheep for Farmer Fred is a a peacefull and rewarding task. Random Events: if you stand still long enough, say your staring at some ants, a strange (if your lucky kind) monster or humanoid will appear offering you gifts, or an errand! If you've completed the Jungle Quests, you can earn trading sticks to buy goods, from just hacking jungles and fixing fences. Mind you that's work. Also on Miscellenia Island, if you're a Fremnik, you can command the serfs of your kingdom to collect items for you...if you pay them enough money and pretend you're not a king by getting your hands dirty.

After my questing for various characters in RS, I came to the conclusion after completing each of them, that I had been lead up the garden path like a carrot on a rabbit. I was deranged into believing that if I helped kill such and such a monster, or reclaim an ancient talisman, or raise some antique demon from a dark tomb, that it was all for the good, since I was supposedly helping to defeat evil! But I was deceived like a blind mongoose who was told he was fighting a deadly snake, but in fact the snake was an electrical wire connected to Doctor God's compute! So take care, don't be a stool pigeon, scape-goat or donkey for the harmful rituals of warring tribes and clever old men, the actions you take may affect the future of your story in the game...and possibly real life! Don't be tempted by the fancy goods reward! But that sheep shearing quest is pretty cool, I can't see anything sinister there yet...sheep may be disguised as demons who grow gun cotton disguised as wool on their backs thought...and all the wool is being used to stuff a giant mattress that will be used to hide an assassin in when it is presented as a gift to King Roald...! Or maybe not.

Killing And Slaughtering
Some people think that everything should be killed for their own personal financial gain. They come home blood spattered from killing a thousand chickens or defenceless demons for a few thousand pound. But what purpose, at the end of the day does it gain? You'll have a tainted work history, conscience and lost of smelly stains you can't get rid of, and gore and horror that creates sickness in the minds of the childrens and sensitives. In a Noobs mind, life is precious, more lucrative deals can be gleaned from milking, farming, training and grooming these beasts of burden to our own ends, PLUS we make friends and allies if ever there was a war! Most of these beings also have magic skills and ancient knowledge, and who knows, perhaps secrets! You need the delicate whisper of a noob and a magic touch of comradeship for this skill.

The Mafia, Clans, Cooperatives
There abounds in internet forums peoples who boast about their dark hearted or courageous Runescape clans. They usually want you to have Level 80+ combat for fighting in wars...this is because they will try and steal your account when you sign up to their clan. But, some clans are friendly, and you might get a load of free stuff from them! I know Noobsquad always gives away free bronze armour and items to newbies and noobs and all you have to do is mow down a gang of pkers with a Aka47 bronze sword! If you can infiltrate the Mafia's and other hacking clans that gather loot from player killing etc, without being brainwashed by their murderous propaganda and tainted by their criminal behaviours that may leave you with a bad Noobie record good luck to you, (Spies are always welcome for the Noob Police, but be careful you may end up with concrete shoes at a dragon's summer barbecue).

That's Entertainment
On Runescape, I have met some of the most depressed and dark hearted people's in all the world. It's as if RS attracts them like a fly to...sugar. Well, you could gain cash by making simple salves to sure their poisons, sicknesses and other things that happen in quests, or mount the stage (such as in H.A.M. Draynor, or Fremnik city, Varrock Square) and do some dancing and comedy routines to cheer these forlorn and ever levelling adventurers up! They might throw items at you to stop signing!

Parties, Competitions, Signatures
Within the bendy rules of RS, you can glean money from fancy dress competitions, endurance contests, duelling, sports days, art contests advertised on forums, this is for arty peoples. Spooks held a flower spotting competition, and a 1st across the rickety bridge of Karamaja without drowning competition. Some people even hold drop parties, whereby they collect expensive items from rich players, keep all the good stuff, and then release the junk in balloons in a party hall, such as in Seer's Village for you to collect! More stuff goes into that party chest than comes out... All children’s and teen need RS forum signatures, it tells us who they are, helps us to track them, and displays their budding territorial prowess, players will pay MILLIONS for a few hours of simple digital manipulation! Noobs are good at art!

Becoming Usefull!
Lots of High level players need runners, collectors or gophers for their busy autonomous lives. You could earn good cash delivering pizza into dungeons, or ahem, collecting bones for people. I know this one chap who buys NOTHING BUT potatoes! ALSO becoming a taxi for lazy players earns good wages! Get them to 'follow' you, and you'll drag them along! Assuming you know WHERE in RS you are! Stand around with a for hire sign in Varrock.

Computer Hacking...
*cough* well as you know we noobs don’t take technology that seriously, a Sinclair computer is good enough for us, it does the same job as a new computer, and never breaks down. But if you happen to find someone’s password hanging could go and arrange someone’s bank account for them, and only charge a small fee for the service, they will be very grateful...

Working?! You Must Be Kidding!
Well, YAWN we could go and work for our money of course by mundanely building up or skills, but who wants to give free time working for other people?! It would take 300 hours + to level to a level that is level with the other levels. We noobs are here for fun and adventure, work is a pastime that others get up to fund our noobalistic lifestyle! Anyway, we're bound to get hacked.

NoobSquad Bank
Yes, we all know of the famous NoobSquad disaster relief bank, it will provide all comers with freebies and full bronze armour, to their hearts desires. We offer competitive loans and Noob Gold Access Card ownership opportunities! Erm, so why bother with any the above?! Go here to find our more about it!

A Guide To This Guide
This guide was free and based on Spooksprings adventuring in RS. Other sites will ask you for $10 for this information in a cheaply produced booklet, never be tempted to buy real life goods from RS players, they'll easily scam you! Same goes for RS items on ebay, they aren't obliged to give you the goods, because Jagex owns the items, and they would be breaking the law by providing the goods. But they might leave you an address, so you can tell the noob police on them!

By Spooksprings J.M.B. For Planet NoobSquad Inc � 2003