Noobkinetic Poetry!

'Mimic A God'

I can gibber like a monkey
Scream like a banshee from hell
I can whistle like a leprechaun
And bong like a giant bell
I can bleat like a sheep
Howl like a dog
And immitate the call of the lesser Taverley frog
But there's one small animal I cannot repeat
And that's the Sphinx from the desert
Who's both animal, god, lion and doesn't even squeek!

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'Rug Burns'

You can fly on a magic carpet to the town of Polnivaneach
But the town of Polnivaneach, I did never reach
For there was a carpet pile up outside the pyramids
And a mummy ate my fez, desert robes and false arabian wigs

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'Yarn Spinner'

There is a magic tree in Ardogune
From whom powerfull robes are spun
But when you put them on
Your skin begins to pong
(The tree food you know, is dragon dung!)

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'Too Gnomely'

There once was a gnome with a glider
Who was an excellent sky air rider
But he was stationed on Wolf Mountain
With only stars for counting
So he drowned himself in a bucket of cider

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005


All around the Noobscape
You'll see butterflies flowers and bees
But nobody seems to appreciate
The beauty beneath their knees
As they go trampling off to a bloody war
They scarify everything that's laying on the floor

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'Mistaken Identity?'

Dr Noobie was sent to pk choobie
Who was suffering from a case of sword
He asked where did you get it?
"From a noob, who one hitted,
"I think he must have been a dark lord!"

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'Demon's Wish'

There once was a lesser demon from Hell
Who wanted to be a greater demon, so I tell
He aquired some new horns
A pair of high heel spawns
And a new magic makeover spell

But while fighting a noob in a volcano
His new plastic wings started to melt
His false beard fell off
Claws exploded with a cough
And so he was sent to the wizard's tower to dwell.

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'Pipe Dreams'

There once was a fisher from Catherby
A giant shark catcher he had-to-be
But all he caught was a cod
With his massive rod
And was attacked by a swarm of massive-bee

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

'It's All About Oil'

There once was a leprechaun from Lumbridge
Being pestered by a giant swamp midge
So a swamp gas company he started
And all the midges darted
Because now he could afford a midge fridge

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

"Lost Noob Lost?"

Noobie Hell is an awfull place!
Strange big monsters, and peoples without a face!
Bronze armour is all 'a melty
Cod tastes like burnt chicken
And everyone points at you
With their long spiny fingers a clicking!

But do not despair in the Noobie Hell
Because the T'zhars are really quite hot!
And there's nothing like what a hot T'zhar likes better
Than drinking noobie juice from the Noobie Bot
Read him some romantic poetry from an old French letter
And let him stroke a great furry moose
Until his thirst is all the wetter
Put a giant ice cube on his boiling head
And he'll slip softly off to noo noo land
With poete du jour in his giant lava bed

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

"One Little Noobie, and the Other..."

Two little noobies sitting in a tree
One has a magic hat and the gloves of a bee
The other wears a hedgehog coat, stained by blood of a dragon
And is sipping some super strength cider from a giant flagon!
The one little noobie, says let us go and play,
Before they start the harvest to bring in the horsey hay!
The other says he's busy getting awfull tipsy
And to go away little noobie you smell like a gnome gypsy!

The one little noobie is very sad and upset
He thought the other noobie was his friend and favourite baguette
So he wanders off to play with the unicorns and the magic lions
And finds a friendly giant for on his shoulder to cry on
Suddenly he hears an awfull sound like the growling of a hell hound!
The tree that he was just sitting on has fallen to the ground!
The dragon's blood dripped onto the branches of the magic tree
From the coat of the other noobie, made from a hedgehog you see

The one little Noobie never saw his special friend again,
Although he searched under ground until nearly half past ten!
But then his mother came along from somewhere not in this land,
And turned his friend the computer off with her slender hand!

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

"Well, I Have Memories..."

I climbed a mountain the other day
To Catherby from Taverley
A White Wolf Mountain
(that is made of solid gold, so I'm told)
Where the mane of the winter beast roams

I don't know why I did it
Member's side is better so I'm told
It was freezing snowy ice
With bitter wind cutting my toes
My 300 buckets of milk froze solid
And the wind ate through my blouse
The situation got rather squalid
These conditions, not good for milking the cows

But after puffing and panting
And avoiding the white wolf poo
I reached the top of the mountain
(Aren't you glad I did that too woohoo!)
I met a lone gnome glider with a kite made of leather
Out in minus 50 in winds that need a teather
"Hello strange gnome," said I, shuddering
"aren't you affected by this atrocious weather?!"
He greeted me with a wry smile
And said we should fly off
Because the Ice Queen is a cometh
And she likes silly adventuring boys *cough*

So I strapped on my pelmet and off the top we leapt
And glided down to Karamaja, so hot I could not draw breath
So easily and quickly was our journey done
From the top of the gigantic obelisk the spider's web was spun
Me, lamenting I had spent 3 years climbing up the mountain
All that heaving, huffing, shouting and ranting

But then I remembered, I had a souvenir!
A long and slender icicle, a frozen dragon's tear!
I wrestled off my rucksack, and turned it upside down
...but out poured a fountain of water
And the steam from a captured cloud

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

"Oh! Brassica so BORED"

Cabbage, Cabbage, Cabbage, Cabbage
Why the fascination with me!
I'm really just a cabbage
Nothing special to see
With my leafy appendages
And my heart exposed to thee
I just sit here growing in the ground ozmotising quielty

Sometimes I go on an adventure
With a plucky little noob
28 of us all wrapped up in his ranger snood
He eats us rather quickly
When it all goes off
And his life is often saved by
Some doudy vegitation, * cough *

Then we are used as ballast in a pirate ship,
Or fired orf in a cannon jee bang wizz!
Some poor peasent makes us into a house
Or piles us up to defend a kingdom
Extracts our iron vitamins
To make a salve for the health of the childrens

Once we were used a stage prop
In one of those famous concerts you know
Where all the headbangers and loud guitars go off
And famous people live not to be old

But I'm really just a boring old cabbage
Nothing special ever happens to me
I just sit here staring at the stars in the sky
Wondering if I will ever be

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

"Breaking The Egg"

I'm a little white chicken
I'm only level 3
All I can do is lay square eggs
And peck a little you see
I'm ruled by the giant rooster
He rules the roost a lot
I sometimes feel quite hen pecked
Sitting on my only clay pot

One day I'll escape this flock manipulation
And become a chicken hero you'll see
I'll level up my magic to almost 93!
Then hunters will not just want me for my downy feathers
They'll think I am a master chicken and really rather clevers!
I'll rule the RS kingdom with an iron wattle
And show them non-chickens who's got a lot of bottle!
All feather hunting will then be banned!
And square egg laying shall be forbidden!
I shall save my chicken brothers from their ungainly miden

But, oops, you must excuse me, the roosters going off!
It's time to peck the floor again and my hat to him I doff.

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2005

"Demon Disco!"

The Nooblets were being bullied by overgrown rhubarb featured pkers,
The ugliest of Noobscape's high level Choobie players.
Pushed in lava, and told just what to do,
The nooblets were at wits end, and ready to be turned into horse glue!
But Emperor Spooksprings, always full of laughs,
Arranged a Gaye Merry Demon Disco, to saw all schisms in half!
The Noobies danced upon the evil altars, and danced upon the demons,
They even danced upon the KBD's tail, and laughed at his warty features
Full of jovial merriness, and high octane spirit gold,
The Noobies were never again pushed around, or did as they were told
All pkers turned into fairies, and demons turned to dust
And every piece of armour was thrown away, to be left to rot and rust!

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004

"Noob Slither!"

The NoobSquad slithered into the Wildy today,
And dropped a pound of brass.
Along came the naughty blue choobies,
And got bitten in the rune large.

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004

"Noob Olympics!"

The brave Noobs of Olympia strided to the start,
They were to race the Deadly Demon Monsters in the 100 meter dart!
They put the cabbage springs firmly upon their feet,
And over the Demons pointy heads they did surely leap!

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004


General Spooksprings models some swimwear,
Upon the beaches of Karumaja,
But suddenly gets photographed,
By a Choob-Hack in his car.
His picture appears in the papers,
And the Noobs all have a jolly good laugh,
Until Spooks gets very angry,
And TEARS the paper in half!

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004

"Watch Out There's A Noob Bot About!"

The Noob Bot is a strange machine, sad, but sometimes happy.
But if you press his buttons wrong, he'll slap you on the pappy.
A robot made of Noob Bronze, and bits of dead pkers,
He's come from faraway Planet Noob to hug the runescape Players.

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004

"Ku Klucks Knoobs!"

Ku klucks knoobs are gonna shave your beard
And then you will look really really weird
Your trousers fall down and out your belly flops
And there you are a dancing nakid round the hippie shops

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004

"It's Noob-War!"

When thou hearest the beat of the noob-war drums
From beyound the uncivil land,
Thou will wither and know that the Noobsquad Snake
Is come to devour all evil in the land,
For the NoobSquad is mighty, the NoobSquad is brave,
And thou will not live, to see another day.
We shall part the red sea and you shall bow at our heels,
For Noobs and Elves shall once again rule the Runescape peel!
Thou shall be locked in our keep, thou shall plough our land,
And bring us sweet tribute of thy fair maidens hand!

J.M.B. & Planet NoobSquad Inc 2004

"Dance Of The Noobs"

Here come the NoobSquad, mighty and brave,
You see their bronze armour,
And you cry in shame,
They cut your arms off,
And flush you down the loo,
Because that's what the Noobsquad was made to do.
Dance dance wherever you may be,
For the NoobSquad is coming to set you free!
All hail the Noob King in his bronze bra,
Cos you know bronze horses can run very far.

J.M.B.& NoobSquad Inc 2004

"I Wanna..."

I wanna join noob squad kuz cabbages are kool!
I wanna join noobsquad to wear bronze full!
i wanna join noobsquad kuz begging is what we do!
I wanna join noobsquad kuz to pkers we say boo!
i wanna join noobsquad, kuz the noob-snake is kool!

By RS player Sharky87

"Standing Tall"
The NoobSquad Anthem

Noobsquad, NoobSquad, together standing tall,
NoobSquad, Noobsquad, divided we would surely fall!
We travelled into the darkness of the wildy devil's hell
Led by brave Kadie lass, we know that we would not fail.
We pked all the pkers and mighty treasures we did find!
The Noobsquad snake did slither and devour all those kind.
For Noobsquad Snake is a mighty beast that can never ever be slain
And Runescape will never ever, be the bloody same.
NoobSquad NoobSquad, together standing tall,
NoobSquad, NoobSquad, divided we would surely fall.

J.M.B.& NoobSquad Inc 2004

"My Old Mans A Nooblet"

My old man's a nooblet,
He wears a nooblet hat,
He wears cor blimey noob trousers,
And lives in a Varoock noob flat.
He hunts rats and noob mice,
In the Varoock sewer,
I even saw him once,
Eat rat meat for his noob dinner.

J.M.B. & NoobSquad Inc 2003

"Oh Dearest Nooblet"

I like to see your nooblets swaying in the wind,
Your nooblet hair is the best, of all our nooblet kin.
I stroked your nooblet hair one day,
But a bronze helmet was in the way,
So I took it off and sold it to a Barbarian,
For some pottery clay.

J.M.B.& NoobSquad Inc 2003

"The Lesser of Two Nooblets"

The Noobs went down to the lessers one day,
Hip Hip Horray!
They died in style, but it took a while
Cause they had no fear of death.
Kamakazee cabbage fighting, not a rune med in sight
For we are only noobs, and out hits are only slight.
The noobs went begging in Varrock one day
For a penny or two.
We got some smart remarks and a noob cabbage or two.
They beat us up, they threw us out,
They called us dirty noobs,
But we had the last laugh,
When they all got hacked too.

J.M.B.& NoobSquad Inc 2004

"Our Fine Leader"

Kadie is the leader of the brave NoobSquad Clan,
Her bronze armour and flowing hair are famous,
Throughout the Runescape land.
She led the deadly Noobsquad Snake into unknown lands,
And we all got slaughtered by the men in blue,
Whos stole our cabbages from out Noob hands.
But whats a Noob supposed to do when he is only lvl 3?
Wait you naughty pkers, 'till a dwarf sells a mighty potato cannon to me!

J.M.B. & NoobSquad Inc 2003