Site Guide & Legal Noob

Techno Noob Site Requirements:

Essential: Flash Plug In 7, Sun Java System, Sound Card, Audio System, Speakers, Internet Explorer Browser 6.0., 28k + Modem, Mouse. Desirable: 1k of RAM, 100GB, DSL/Cable/Broadband in an up to date, working, virus free computer. Screen Resolution: 1000 x 800 pixels (Control Panel > Display > Settings). Most new computers will be able to play all the html, java, flash and mp3's on this site, with their default factory programs. If you have a Apple Mac, or you built your computer, you'll have to download appropriate programs. I'm not aware of how these programs will work in Netscape or Linux.

Why can't I view certain movies and games?!

If you have a noobie computer built in the last century, it will not be equipped with Flash 7 plug in, and might not have a Java Plug In either. So I suggest you download one, just search on any popular internet search engine, I'm not recommending one, I'm not a salesman, but merely a messenger of the Gods! You may experience at times a browser crash with flash, this is normal, and you should just reload the page. Flash Movies and Games here take from 1 - 5 minutes to load, apart from "Noobs In Space" which takes 20 minutes (on a dialup connection). If you do not see a loading screen, it is possible it is not loading, or you need to scroll down. "Noob Logger", "Noobmobile", "Nooberoids" and "Noob Mission" do not have loading screens, but only take 30 seconds to load from main screen. For all other computer problems please consult the large lump hammer in your outhouse.

Why can't I hear music?!

You should be able to hear music if you have an audio player capable of playing mp3's and wav's unless you sound card is broken, you have no earphones/amplifiers, your inbuilt audio player is broken or out of date or perhaps you forgot to turn the volume up?

Text Problems?!

All html is in version 4.0, which has cross browser support. In flash files, and html you may see text that is muddled, this is because your computer does not have the appropriate text fonts to display them. I will be converting all text to default fonts when I have time.

Security Blockages?!

If you receive a warning blockage on a browser window, that prevents you from viewing a page, your security settings are too high in Internet Options, browser controls or firewall etc. We do not use cookies, webugs etc, all that will be left from viewing this site are files in the Temporary Folder, amounting to 5mb from the whole site, which can be deleted with disk cleanup. But if you are a frequent visitor, best leave them there! This site is appropriate for all ages, so parental locks should have no effect...

Who creates all this fablous art and ideas?

I am Spooksprings, aka James, I produce everything you see on this site in 3dfa flash, Anfy Java, Html and mp3 files. All music is of my own creation, I play all the instruments and sing (in full bronze armer). The artwork in the galleries is usually manipulated screen shots taken from, and loose artwork I find on Google. Other artwork is the property of mainly young boys who play Runescape, and the rest is by me Spooksprings made in Flash or with crayons. But this site is an apical meristem, and seeks to stay fresh with original ideas that pop into Spooksprings head late at night. You may see influences from other entertainers on the Earth Planet, but NOTHING here is a direct copy, apart from stuff I am borrowing from, to further my online career.

Erm...I'm clueless as to what this site is about!

This site transmits to you from Planet Noob, via Jupiter (and laterly Mars) into the visor vision in your Noob Goggles, atop your full bronze helmet. It is partially a fan site for, a multi player game, (where game players can often be seen in Full Bronze Armour) but not exclusively and I like to think it encompasses and embraces ideas from society's Status Quo as a whole, mirroring culture and events in real life (whats that), based on activities of the Noobians of Planet Noob, through the unique vision, sarcasm and wit of Spooksprings. The site seeks to educate, inform, titalate, confound, and confuse anyone that cares to visit these temporary transmissions from this far away Planet. If you are a latent Noob, and cannot comprehend the site, you've come to the right place to learn how to be a fully fledged Noob, and so go forth into the world with a heightened sense of awarness. Theres probably some other underlying psychological cause why Spooks runs this site so virulently, like fatal attraction syndrome or something.

Where is Planet Noob? What are Noobs?!

Planet Noob is a planet deep in space on the extremities of the local Milky Way. (Or as I like to think, the margins of society, or lost in the mists of innocent youth imagination. The Noobs who live there are innocent, friendly, mischevious, prone to acts of dumbfounding bafoonery and bravery, but with an underlying Galactic intelligence and wit. Just imagine a 10 year old Bugs Bunny in full bronze armour. Lately though Noobs get a bad press online because of their inability to work computers, or their apparent lack of knowledge regards up to date fads, but this is a falacy, because it contrarily shows that they are too busy helping people and making friends to worry about following fickle fashion and pretending to be cool. (When the 'normal people' are obviously are being lulled into a false sense of security and led astray by the eternal Pied Piper to their deaths, on the premiss that murder, money and manipulation are the answers to their troubles).

Who is this Spooksprings?!

Spooksprings is the Emperor (of the Noobs) , thats all you need to know really. You know what sort of things Emperors get up to, their power wisdom and vision are invoked in the cerberal cortex, and must spill forth upon the populace like hot pumice, by law. Above all Spooks likes to help newcomers to Planet Noob (the parallel dimension encompassed within Planet Earth) and make them understand the environment they find themselves in. To those who know the way will know the message. To the rest, they will be blind, so dont visit the site. For personal information about Spooksprings, including home visits, send him an email.

Legal & Copyright

As far as I'm concerned, as I put the work into making and running this site, and used the Java flash and html languages to my own advantage to create these wonders, and physically moved through kinetic and electronic energy the elements which commanded this computer to produce the art you see here, I own the furpling lot. Apart from any artwork you may find with Jagex Ltd in a corner, as credit. Even then I manipulated screenshots from the game, so I still 'own' the concept and idea. Other work probably is the copyright of the site I saved it from, unless I manipulated it. But meh, I can't see anyone reproducing anything here to sell on ebay, it's a kinda unique collection of raccoons, and would look out of place anywhere else. I'm happy for people to be influenced by it, and produce similar work, and print a few pieces of art for their college flat. As far as the music goes, I 'based' certain tunes on popular hits from the last few centuries, but they are not direct copies, I just played the tune as I remembered them. I created, played, recorded and produced all the music & lyrics and I own the lot, so don't try a cover version until at least 2050. And anyway if you did get hold of one of my flash files somehow you couldn't do anything with it, its virtually encrypted.

I want to discuss Names/Artwork on this site

Any Artwork, names, handles, articles that you which to discuss email I am a High Court Judge, so I know the fundementals of law, even if I'm in cyberspace. I host poor people's art for free, so it doesn't get lost in the recycle bin.

Are you commercial or sponsored?

No money passes hands through or from this site. I pay to host it and thats it. Nothing is for sale nothing is to buy. I am not sponsored by any political parties, paramilitary organisations or religious fundamentalists apart from God, and the spirits of the past that have possesed my body through years of watching 'Top Cat'. The work we do here is for those that dare to look to dare to be looked into and made to see a little wonder from the oasis in the galactic chaos of earth at present. And if you dare to look, then you become my apprentice, so erm, bow down and polish my bronze shoes mortal Noobmuahaha! If you wish to offer me money as a commission for something you have in mind, you'd best email me for me to consider.

Site Safety

Hmm, Ive noticed that Spooks is proficient in computer languages and programs, is it possible that he knows anything about disreputable and illegal computer activity? Ergo, am I safe viewing files on this site? Well, with so much criminal actiity online, you would be hard pressed to trust anyone. But like the miracles that confound normal humans, so Spooksprings is a rule to the exception, and has resisted temptation to bespoil young nooblets dreams by knicking their candy or cyber tracking peoples activities. If he ever did find someones password lying about he would probably rearrange their bank and buy them a proper set of tools. I suggest a 12 rating for this site, because Spooks sometime swears, and has frightening growls! But I have gone to great strains to protect any race religion creed or political bias from harm that might arise from viewing the site, including peoples identities (even though this site is a complete SCIENCE FICTION!). So if you are offended by something here, the problem lies within your cultural prejudices, as all I create here is for your benefit, which is aiding the human race of Noobs. Ergo, the views opinions and jokes on this site were created by Spooksprings, and erm, not me, I have no control over my alter ego, and in some instances I feel my alter ego may have overtaken me. Any problems with this site please report to me or my host.

What happens if Spooksprings dies?!

Hmmm, never crossed my mind really. I don't expect to be being deaded by a pker or a plane crash for sometime now, so lets cross that swamp when we come to it. My guess is none of my immediate family has the brains to work an Atari, so I reckon total deletion might be an option when the site rent runs out, lol!

By Spooksprings J.M.B. For Planet NoobSquad © 2003.5