Noob Gold - Look there is a load of money, mmm! I like to eat it and jingle it in my tummy!

The New Noob Gold
Visa Access Card!

The Answer To All Your Wet Dreams!

Apply Online NOW For a New Noob Gold Card, soon! Released today, soon, this biometric cybernetic miniature credit debit card controlled by nanobots, gives the plucky winner, I mean applicant, access to the Bank Of Noobscape's secret slush fund, a cash pool of several TRILLIONS of gold coins FREE to spend ANYWHERE on ANYTHINK you want no strings!!

The Noob Gold Credit Card, free with every bag of noobienuts.

Accumulated over several 100 millennia, since the bronze age, from fire lighting royalties (our invention); licking the gold trimming off people's armer while they weren't looking; banana picking slavery; replacing the banana in bananas with banana substitutes, Noobliphant rides round Falador; selling Noobliphant trunks; smuggling gold bullion disguised as bronze bars out of Karamaja; trading in potted pots; and a one gp tax on every general store transaction since 26,000 BRS. Also long hair tithes and going down the shops for dragons, this slush fund has procured over 900 trillions gold coins, stockpiled JUST FOR YOU!

Today in the modern age of 1367, we top it up from peoples' pensions; plastic surgery; wrongful convictional asset seizing; selling placebolic medication online; gleaning cash from the gullible public under the guise of 'humanitarian' charity collections, by showing them pictures of maimed fluffy animals and starving children that are going to die anyway; receiving free grant money to continually renovate crumbling ancient buildings of no use till they fall over; marketing of toys and sweets to nooblets, so aggressively, we fit televisions in the womb; subduing the whole of humanity (ahem, well nearly all) with a smoke screen of media spin and propaganda by pandering to their basal fears and prejudices into believing that all their futile tasks are worthwhile, while they kill themselves to live, when the heavens could provide glory eternity and pain free mirth for all the chosen hosts, while we strip the skins from their sweaty backs, and their vain deeds are all eclipsed by the sun (or is that moon); all of which are unregulated, and government turns a blind eye to.

As if they could see what's going on in the world anyway, stuck behind the walls of spleep.

Spooksprings in one of his wet dreams.

Just imagine...get access to EVERY bank account, dragons' hordes and their maidens, the great whale restaurant beneath Falador, Gertrude's drawers...and the magnificent crystal floating bronze noobie palace in the upper lower stratosphere of Planet Noob! Not to mention an audience with his holymess, the giant kraken of Misthalana ocean! You'll never work again!...or be allowed to!

Please note this card cannot be used in banks, shops or cash machines, as they have yet to be invented. But when they do just flash the card for instant no bars access all areas, and any thing you care to buy in the world money no object! You'll always get a strange look when you use the card, in fact probably usually a frown, or suspicious body language between the staff. This just means they are jealous, and not because of the fact that the money on your card was created from the misery, death and toil of several billion souls over so many millennia. That's just a misprint or a misnomer, erm a gnat in the crack of the grand plan.

Apply HERE and NOW, get an INSTANT reply...SOON!

What is the name of your Noobscape Character?

Do you want free access to Trillions of pounds, no questions asked
*wink wink* *nudge nudge* say no more, cats in the bag, monkeys on the table?

What's Your Noobscape Password? * compulsory!

What wood you spend a Trillion pouns on?!

Please enter your current bank details and numbers, and erm name

What makes you think your worthy of this vast spendin power?

Do you have any CCJs, Bad Credit, Level 99 in any Noobscape skill?

Are you willing to have tea and cakes with the King Black Dragon
and various infamous sulphur burping underground world beasts monsters and devils?

Do you think angels are worth saving?

Do you think I'm goin to issue this card to a complete stranger,
with no assets other than a lvl 10 homeless Noobscape character?

Will you waste the money contained herein tactlessly on half baked cultural projects, movies remakes,
monuments to your own aggrandisement at the expense of the misery of mankind?

Write here your poem, beginning I want a Noob Gold Card because... ?

Tell us more, much more, I mean if I make you King, and I find a much nicer Noob
that would be a better King, I might get upset and turn you into a Internet Forum Moderator.


This is a secure, locked, water tight application form, and will only be seen by myself, the Bank of Noobscape, it's employees, family and friends, regulators of the Internetnoobscape, the inventors of such, and anyone else who has an interest in your commercial activities and doings erm 12 year old blackmailing credit trawlers.

I cannot reply to your noobmail, due to choob hackers, but I will pass your application to the Bank Of Noobscape Regulatory Assessment Committee of The Gold Card...soon! If the form does not comply, try the copy paste method!

Please note, this is NOT a credit, debit, cash, visa, token or security card. It is a NOOB GOLD ACCESS CARD with unlimited magical powers. You must point this out to the cashier, and explain that a magic fairy in bronze armor called Spooksprings granted it to you by royal commandment, and if she does not authorize the payment it will fire a laser into her eyes and boil her brain. Please note this card is NOT a laser weapon. You will be charged at 40% APR repayment make on every transaction, repayable within one week or we shave your legs off with a blunt potato knife, or was that bees wax? This Planety Nooby Noobscape feature is NOT a scam!

Have you been turned down for a Noob Gold Visa Access Card?! Don't despair, while you can still eek out a meager living scraping the pollen from bees legs, the NoobSquad Bank and the Noob Loans Department may still be able to help you in your dire financial trepidation, on threat of underarm shaving.

By Spooksprings (J.M.B.) For Planet NoobSquad 2005.