Welcome to Planet Noobsquad!
Land of Magick & Mysterie,
That Looks Good in Your Historie!

Major New Noob News 3rd Jungleberies 2021

The Choobians, in their wrath and disgruntlehuffingness at being thrown off Planet Noob in the 2020 Breath of the Noob Flu incident, gave one last "gift" to the world. They switched of Flash and Java. Thats all they could manage, since they got banned elsewhere for using Apple products. Therefore Professor Noobalot has been busy moving his fingers up and down trying to figure out how to NOT use Flash, by going back in his time machine to HTML 3.2, adapting some to the new Ruffle flash player or converting to Mp4. Therefore all Noob Games are playable, but not as intended, expect major glitches, others can be downloaded to play offline or watched as previews. Such humpledumpledifficultness will be overcome!

If you landed on mainoob.html, you wont be able to see the interactive menu, please go to the Index Page

Major New Noob News 31st Tuber 2006

Have you ever been minding your own business on Hellnooberween day, scaring nooblets out of their bronze armour with your disfugred bearded head, when some strange cloaked figure saunters up to you and sayeth, "Go To Noob Hell!" Yes? well worry ye not, for today Spooksprings can take you there in safety from the comfort of your polysturene office swing chair to the depths of Noob Hell for a limited once in a life time offer to see if you REALLY REALLY like it there. And if not you can just close your browser window whenever you feel like as if you are looking at something you shouldnt be (I know you've been pracitising thaty one, guffaw). Dont Cross The Cross is an adventure game story that contains scenes of cartoon monsters and horror and extreme dog distressing sound effects, but is approved by the Urth based pope. Cross The Cross

Major New Noob News 11th Syrup 2006

The linguiscientologistapharians, deep in the bottomless archive of things that have to be archived before the archivists get their mitts on them, have been busy speed-demon reading, to make me make THREE whole pages of a new interactive Excitingnoobapedia for peoples and Noobs of Planet Urth to get their eyes and ears completely fruitified with knowledge from beyound the Milky Way, if they haven't got enough to brainwash themselves with on the backs of cereal boxes.

They even took some photomoregraphic pictures as proof that the things they say are unbelievable, but true, I know, because I saw them hard at work in my brain making me type it all out for them! (slave driving librarians!)

This new Excitingnoobapedia is completely interactive, just like a Wiki, and can be edited by any member of the public, provided they are vetted by our special panel of psycholomotogistians.Linkage: Excitingnoobapedia

Major New Noob News 15th Gust 2006

The Noob Gods, now fully emerged from their Kinder Suprise Eggs have converged around the Planet Noob, in elegant floaty style for some reason or other we are not to sure about, we are but tiny eyes mesmerised by these giant manifestations of magical mystery that cause us to drop tools, jaws and probably pants in some corners of floppybrain town.

Before they get up to whatever it is they get up to, which for most of you isn't that important, because your memory will be wiped after they Zoombangdingalingdong over our heads with their cosmic vibes, go take a look at them struting their stuff in the Noob Gods Gallery
It's the closest you'll get to your Gods without eating 38 packets of spacedust and a can of fizzy Noob Juice.

You can print them off on your dot matrix printer, or maybe use our Gods as a screen saver to make you look good when the Noob Police come round your house to wipe your memory for looking at a Noob God in the face!

Major New Noob News 7th Goolie 2006

The Noobie Tv Director, is so captivated by entertaining transmissions from Planet Urth (that take 20 years to arrive on Planet Noob) he decided to have a go at making his own 'Quiz Show' and beaming it back to you to repay the compliment, at having fed our eyes, for, well, a few decades at least. Don't expect celebrities, prizes, or funny quips, this quiz is set out to test men's mettle, for to be a man is a mystery to us Noobs. You do naughty things to each other, and then are noobstonished when the final bill arrives or another planet invades you to put you right! He was perplexerated by the news that a third of all humes were turned into sausage meat in 2036. (Since Noob Sausages are never ending from the magic chest of the Snowlands, just by stroking the Icicle Monster's furry leg to get him excited).

So before you take part in the quiz you must revise your Noob School Knowledge, and you might get a good look at the Noobeta bot's valve curvatures.

Take part in the X-Noobs Quiz!
All voices and flash by Spooksprings.

Major New Noob News 21st Moon 2006

It is often wandered while wondering through the pages of a Noob's life, how it is compunctulated with so many funtastic and phantasmogorical happenings, that don't seem to happen to ordinary potato men. It is because Noobie God Thor has a magic telescopic machine book, where he invents a Noob's life story before it has even begun. So when you are merandering around this sparsely populated planet, and all matter of matters crash upon you, and people criss cross your bath as though they had just jumped out of a Noobiewood movie, don't be surmised, it is because they were included in the original script Noobie God Thor wrote just for you! Today, Mr God has asked me to let the ordinarily bronze Noobs get their hands on this cosmic engine and give THEM the chance to pen their own biography! Then he will send a flying envelope of dreamy ideas into your head at night, and in the dawning you will act out the toon without even realising it. So remember, it's your noob movie life, make sure you get a good part in the:

Pick Your Own Noobs (Flash) Noobie Story Generator

Major New Noob News 6th Moon 2006

It was ordinary day for little Noobie, coming home from Noob school, where he had been learning all about how to build a mahogony boxing ring in his bedroom using nothing more that some old cloth and a couple of planks (don't forget the nine inch nails). Since Noobie wasn't at all superstitious since his brain surgery, he knew it would be a quick dart through the park avoiding the man traps, zombie-ghouls and man eating snails, to gobble those delicious snizzleberry sausages that his slave Noobot likes to lay, since he had that new chicken gene implant chip. Unfortunately, dates invented by some mathematician to ensure he gets at least 100 days off a year for beer bating decided that 6/6/6 was an important date for summoning demons that do your washing and ensuring that everyone is locked up safely by nightfall so tree rustlers can set about their merry plant thieving exploits without being seen. Go see how Noobie gets on on this 6/6/6 in the toon:
Noobie Six Sixty Six (Flash)

Major New Noob News 14th Avril 2006

In a junglicious corner of Planet Noob, there is a beleafable santctuary reserved for the initiation of Noobs from nooblet to Noob. The journey to get there is as danjerus as the rituals, as they have to roller skate! This magic festivious celebration of a nooblet growing his first sprigs of plush upon his hardening bronze pelmet is so sacred and secret that no modern day sprog from Planet Urth has ever witnessed it before. This is because Noobs are highly cultured peeps, and take noobeducation of their projeny very seriously! Can you imagine Planet Noob traversing into a new age without it's young having eaten a whole bag of chewy joo-joo sweets?! It would be like Noobkind throwing itself into a HUGE volcano, if it were not practiserised. So, once again, strap on your speed skates, darken the room (if your already IN the jungliscious wear some shades) and sit in awe for at least 3 months with no contact from even a bed bug, until you have fully miskrensurised the passage from nooblet to Noob. Drinkage of a large quantitiy of magic Noob Juice advised before hand. Go do the:
Noobztect Xperience (Flash)

Major New Noob News 15th Starch 2006

When Noobs been left out in space, (they may have been spleep space walking, or maybe jumped too high) they take a deep breath and rocket about trying to find a public space phone. More often than not (well that's pretty regular) they have been vandelised by mysterious hooded figures that are only ever seen after dark (it appears these beings might be recognised if seen by day (recognised as challenging choobs perhaps?)). Thus, a Noobie will use the powers of the wrist! and summon his Noob Mobile Watch Phone from out of the microelectric binding of his forearm bumfluff. This amazing new device is 4 million Noob years in advance of earth terrestrial phones (about 4 years). It features real time intergalactic camera phone, hot keys to the commanders of your various careers, a mini light disc video player (discs not supplied), storage for all your pecuniary and infirmeratical needs, PLUS a special device that will detect the presents of any tagged hoodie choobs within a 3 square light year radius. So, grab your fist, and with the power of the wrist, touch this button to call upon the Noob Wrist Phone Mobile Watch (Flash)

New Noob Gallery..23:02:06

Major New Noob News 31st Dansingers 2005

Today is Royal Fishmass Day whence all the Noobs on faraway floaty Mercury seas don their plastic macs and googles to go a hunting for the NoobMass Fish to put on their dish on the very last day of Nooblong (a year on Planet Earth). The hunt is a perilous one, dangerous even, and more Noobs are often eaten by the Figwhigs than Fishmass Fish are caught. But despair not, for this has nothing to do with this months news! No, for many a Noob has come unto me and sayeth, "Teach me how to speak in the 24 vowels of Noob, Sir Spooks, for I am perpetually scammed for want of words in my mouth!" And thus with a merry Xmas jape upon my jowl, I combine the Noobmass Countdown Culunder with the Fishmass Day Celebrations by conjoining the Runephabet in a synthetic-phonetic-demonstratic-engine-game-machine of voice, mettle and mirth! Get saddled up in your Royal Mouse and practise thy tongue upon my tongue with your (pair) of ears, for I shall be testing your new found etymological lingustic skills in the new found year, if we can found it. Practise the .Fishmass Runephabet.

Major New Noob News 31st Octopuss 2005

Spookie noobie greetings to the childrens, and the childrens' of the childrens, and the childrens who are not yet childrens, on Hellnooberween day, the day that is not a day, for it is a night, a long night when ALL the shadows of a Noob must be scared off before the sun comes up, or we might think there's someone following us. If you wander and wonder about dusty corners of Noobscape, you'll find carts. No ordinary carts, no, for they are carts that never move! Think for a minute, have I ever seen a 2 foot high horse around here that could pull one of these rickety engines? Then remember if you ever saw an animal puling you in the Shilo Village cart?! NO! That's because there are strange undergoings on in the undermovments of the under carts that Ulmer Budwiser has investigated for Planet Noobsquad, and he has some very scary, if not punitive grammar to impart upon you. Even if you're not scared of carts, you'll be scared of where he goes in one!
Read the: Noob Cart Quest Report (Java and Flash)

Major New Noob News 6th Spectaclember 2005

Me thinks my noobs are stressed out at being made to Level Up their skills to 99 and never accomplish anything more than a wet lobster pinching them on the noses! Well be spectacularly dissapointed NO MORE! Play the Noobscape 0.24 in the bonnie isles of Loch Browser and instant level to 99 in all stats, while also doing something usefull for the humanoids, by riding the Noobscape of the Evil Black Blobs of Choobiness that terrorise the Giant Nakid Fertility Godess Of Froob, (yes no cloths!) who is trapped in her velvet gloves! Wonder no more what courage a Noob keeps up his kilt and sporan, because he obviously has the brains there to och where no och has oched before. Play: Och Aye The Noob - Noobscape 0.24... the ONLY single player multiplayer free to role play game in the world, that anyone with a Mensa IQ over 150 can complete in under 2.5 minutes!! This is less time than it takes to boil your Noobscape egg!

Major New Noob News 8th Oargust 2005

You might have noterised with your many eyes (perhaps not, you were prolly too busy hunting warty melons) that the weather in Noobscape was always rather... pleasent, timid, room temperature, not a fly or a even the sight of the clap anywhere (and angels falling from the sky cuts no ice with Noobs). But our recent metornoobogolist Sir Mycull Noobiefishwish has detected with his sufisticated forecasting device, the weather cock, that the weather of Noobscape is staring to tickle its feathers. So, wither will be the weather as the Moss Giants are slaughtered in the heather? I can foretell that it wont be clever, and umbrellas Jagex will sell, never! Link up to Planet Noob's Wither Weather Studio, to see what's in store for you, as the sun cannot last, it's only a 40 Watt bulb, its broken its glass, and it's turning icy cold!

Witherbeweather Studio (In Java)

Major New Noob News 9th Jooly 2005

The new noob news this month is that there is no noob news. It is important noob news that there is no new noob news as it is the most fundemental basis of noob news to not have new noob news when there is no news to report. So you people who were expecting no noob news, think again, because the news that was not to be the news IS the news. But don't be alarmed by this new noob news as it is better to have no noob news than none. So while you wait for Spooksprings to get back from his tourist attractions, here is an animation of some harpie go lurkie gorillas bathing in the mist.

Magic Monkee Moment Link (In Java)

Major New Noob News 26th Male 2005

A great storm of indignoobination has broken out on Planet Mars, where Head-Noobiecruiser Mark 1 is stationed, collecting pollen for their experiments in allergy torture. They were a while there, as Mars flowers had yet to evolve from the primnoobial soup that arrived on the bottom of a Noob's it's all systems go, heads up, watch your back, don't dither about the exit, 'cause the storm is likely to blow your headship away! Restart your rockets and get back to Planet Earth sharp, before the Noob Police give you a interterrestrial war parking ticket! Play Noobheadzagogo now, before it gets leet.!

Noobheadzagogo Game (In Flash)

New Noob News 3rd Male 2005

Hey! YOU there, in your bronze spats! You decided to invoke the ancient rituals and chants to bring the Magnificent Noob Pharaoh moaning back to life, because you wanted to wield the Ancient stop sign staff of the Nile and go around looking very important (surely thats impetuous, Ed). I would say well done, but with one Tootinkarnoob on the loose, so his old ghosts will surely follow. Can you bare to watch as the Noob Pharaoh, that you awoke with a cup of cha after 4000 years (erm last August?) excorcises his own ancient stalkers in the slightly gauche and crayony Java toon, "Spooksprings (Further) Adventures of Tootinkarnoob Age 12 and a half)...?!"

Tootinkarnoob Toon (In Java)

New Noob News 1st Japeril 2005

On this very day of playfull Noobie mirth, we awake to find that the GIANT Fairy Spiders from the Noob Thunderworld have CAPTURED a poor little Nooblet and whisked him away to a parallel world beneath the imagination of earth creatures, to experiment on and eat, just for a laugh! Can you, Noobie apprentice of the Mystical Powers of Mistynoob, guide our Noobie Hero with the mind skill of the Telenoobathy (and erm...probably a mouse and broadband....) through the Noobie Thunderworld and get him home safely in time for a merry jape with his pet Granite Pogs?! Then play Noobelven, it might get a little scary if you are level 2, but I KNOW you are a brave boy, you wear sneakers to school!

Noobelven Game (In Flash)

New Noob News 25th Fedumary 2005

Today on Planet Noobsquad, we choose some poor sap from among a crowd of millions of ordinary smurfs to embark on the IMPOSSIBLE mission of surviving a WEEK on Planet EARTH, without being Noobalised, Crumpulated or turned into a repository for bees and wasps. This grand experiment is to judge whether a complete and utter CHOOB (our shorthold enemies and bakers of Froobs in pies, a ruthless toothless heathen) could live where Noobs wish to colonise next, 'cause we are running short of straight planks on Planet Noob! (Nothing worse than a wonky bent plank that inhibts the plank constant!)

Choobie Challenge! (In Flash)

New Noob News 9th Jangleberry 2005

We're taking you back in time today, about 30 seconds, to a galaxy not so very far away, to the mouldy days of eyore, when Noobs used to live in space, were made of... plasticene, and used 7mm Noobiescopes to film their noobsestual exploits among the Mashteroids made of carboard and styrofoam! Prepare to wonder at the elastic feats of our hero, Norph, and his battles with Choobzola, Grogzilla and a hairy glove puppet. Strap into your interstellar washing up liquid bottle, and prepare to travel where no noobs has ventured before, yes, to the corner shop to buy a Wham, on his Chopper bike!! (20 minute load on dial up).

Noobs In Space (In Flash)

New Noob News 21st Nouveumber 2004

Professor Noobalus was set to work by the cybernoobs to invent a new noobieputer, as their old puters (a joytick and two bean tins on a rope) were like flying a noobiecopter blind folded in all four eyes. So he came up with the Noobputer v.1.1 that will delight all nooblets at Noobmas time if it can be fitted into their stockings (might be a tight fit). Order your helium powered 26kb telegram assisted Noobieputer today, while stocks last! "The noobputer was invented, By Professor Nooblaus, And the first person to be electorcyted By it, was professor Noobalus... Many happy Nooblets can now play virtual fox and hounds, but only while gas stocks last, and that sells at a bucket a pound."

Noobputer v 1.1 (In Flash)

25th Socktober 2004

Messages to Emperor Spooksprings from his noob spy network have indicated that choobs froobs and gloobs are becoming NOT frightenised by the The Noobsquad and it's curly toenails. So the Emperor decided to bury it, and leave it to those with bronze 'medium' helmets to contact them beyound the noob grave. At Nooberween, noob zombies are resurrected in noompa loompa eating rituals, so keep an eye on goings on under your bed. "If you go down to the morgue today, you'll get a stick in your eyes, For it's Hellnooberween And Noob Zombies are keen To put your brains in a pie."

Hellnooberween (In Flash)

New Noob News 27th Suptumber 2004

The Noob potato, a much maligned and overlooked friend of Noobs everywhere, this delicate and shy earth dwelling mammal is hunted by Noobs for it's prized leathery skins which are made into jackets and sails for ships, the starchy filling also helps to keep bronze armour very stiff. We give this staple Noob quarry a special giant feature of it's own today! Superspudanooba ~ The Noob Potato Experience! Don't go without your daily spud injections!

Superspudernooba! (In Flash)

New Noob News 21st August 2004

A new Noob Adventure~Game~Movie has been invented by Professor Noobalus, in his secret floating laboratory, called, 'The Agile Noob'! You, Sir Nooblaot are commanded by Emperor Spooksprings to rescue the NoobLife Serum from the clutches of the Evil Death Clown Choobie of Bognor, from the Castle of Sarchasm. Use your Noob Agility and Noob-telligence to outwit the SINISTER obstacles in your way! Noobs can't die...but there's a Noobie reward at the end!

The Agile Noob

New Noob News 2nd August 2004

Noob TV Transmitter is Online! Thanks to direct action by the Noob Gods of Mirth on Jupiter, and the Winged Noobs of Mercury, the Choobs have been cleared from the space lanes, (they were hanging about outside Venus, SMOKING, and looking menacing!) making way for direct tv transmissions from Planet Noob! To receive emissions from this new type of trans planetary tv service, you will need a Flash Player Plug In 5 at least, some fingers, a taste for easter eggs, plus the ability to be noobified by the spasmogorical things you will witness on your screen! 8 Noob Channels: Military, Robotics, Art, Shopping, Games, Comedy, Music, and something else I can't remember. If you receive noobinterferance during broadcast, just tell a Choob a joke, and they will run away crying with their infuriating computer probing devices, hopefully to probe their own machinery!

New Noob News July 11th 2004

A Noob Glomping time was had by the NoobSquad Pking Army, in the hands of Cabbage King Cambodian on 4th July, culminating in the FIRST ever Choob Pk pking! We did warn this lone ranger not to attack our vast army, but he did, so we fixed bayonets and hit a 100 1's on him till he was deaded. Another edition of the Noobspaper 2 was produced...seems as if the Noob Hacks are happy with their no articles = death, wage. New Noob Gallery additions. 20 new Members! Planet Noob is working on its Televisual Noob Transmitter, but might be a while yet, lots of interference with Choob Rays near Saturn. The best news the Noob Emperor received this week, occured, when he took his earthly form to the KBD, but found it was a trap, and had to battle with the Giant Strangle Trifid Noob-Vine of the Underworld, and won! The Emperor bedecked himself with the Royal Laurels of the Golden Onions in his own honour.

Noobspaper #2

New Noob News June 14th 2004

In the secret dungeons of the Noob Guild, (Draynor Manor) via a stairway, through the Count's comfortable coffin, Noob journalists and hacks have been working, well, a few hours a day, to bring you the first ever fantasmanoobgorical NOOBSPAPER ever! Contains the truth, so plain, it will have you gasping for air, which is pretty expensive these days. This is the FIRST and only Noobspaper of its kind in the history of Planet Noob, all other publications being thwarted and consumed by the favoured tradition of Noobs to never teach themselves to read. Go here to feast your newt eyes on this fully interactive Noobspaper!

New Noob News May 28th 2004

Our resident Internet Explorer, Sir Lawrence of Noobania, brings, especially for you adventure hungry boys out there, this exclusive and secretive report about his adventures in discovering the mysterious lost pyramids of Tootinkarnoob, far to the South of Al Karud, in the Deserts of Death'! Lawrence suffered many hardships to bring you this story, and was also viciously tortured by wild American camels, and now lays perilously ill in the only hospital in Runescape, at Al Karud, if you wish to wish him well wishes. Click Here: Search For Tootinkarnoob To view this article you must own a COMPUTER.

New Noob News May 13th May 2004

General Spooksprings, while looking for a new tree to live in Mc Grubers Wood this week, was suddenly ambushed by the famously fabled Robin Hood (erm and Legolas), after tumbling in the undergrowth for what seemed an age, they saw they could not beat each other, and so decided to team up, resulting in...the Noob Ranger Guide, which is up today! Warning: this does not contain jokes, but scientifically proven facts and data concerning Ranging for Noobs in Runescape! Noob Ranging Guide!

New Noob News May 1st 2004

General Spooks took a Noob vacation this month to reinvigorate his Noob Factory Producing Brain, and managed to pull off a tempting offer of SwimSuit Modelling, for a large sum of cash * cough * cheque pliz * cough * ...little did he realise it would involve....tops AND bottoms, for a well known firm of Noob Swimwear-wearers...with un-noobable results! Watch his sparsely clad antics here:

Noob Watch!

General Spooksprings models some swimwear,
Upon the beaches of Karumaja,
But suddenly gets photographed,
By a Choob-Hack in his car.
His picture appears in the papers,
And the Noobs all have a jolly good laugh,
Until Spooks gets very angry,
And TEARS the paper in half!

April 11th 2004

The Noobs celebrated the Bronze Noob Egg Hatching Day (Easter to you) this week by taking a wild trip, dressed as Noobie Bunnies (I hope they weren't fuzzy bunnies Ed) to the wild deserts and jungles of Noobania, for a Bronze Egg hunt, to hatch out their noob hatchlings for grooming and growing into proper Noobs! They had a noobalistic game of NoobBall on board a pirate ship afterwards, accompanied by a sinister Easter Panther...Pics in the Noob Reviews. While we are still not sure on the New RS2 NoobSquad uniform...I reckons the New Dragon Cabbage Armer, or the Noob Bronze with white booties (surely socks?! Ed) is rather fetching when accompanied by a bunch of flowers! Look out all Choobs and Hoobs, for we will be a pulverising you with our Dandelions of Death soon! Rank & Gallery update.

New Noob News March 30th 2004

It's Spring...the cabbages are starting to grow...the ice cap is smelting...the noobs are tieing cabbage springs to their feet of bronze...this can only mean ONE thing, and this one thing may never happen again! It's the once in a lifetime Noobspanking Noob Olympics!! Dare you enter your frail frame into the extreme sports world of the kamakazee and fearless Noobs of Noobania?! Check in and place your bets! Winners get to bear the laurels of brassica! Heres the link: Noob Olympics! Small children please note, you must be this big to enter.

The brave Noobs of Olympia strided to the start,
They were to fight the Deadly Demon Monsters in the 100 meter dart!
They put the cabbage springs firmly upon their feet,
And over the Demons pointy heads they did surely leap!

New Noob News March 5th 2004

Ooo! Sweet, NoobSquad has just handed me a trailer for the up and coming Noob Movie, Noobachickiliscious. Beware of those floating logs! Heres the link (No load screen): Noob Movie Trailer

New Major Noob News 22nd February 2004

The Noob Movie, Noob Mission to Mars is 50% complete, without sounds, and features a star role for nooblet 007Sharkster, and Redrum Frank, space buccaneer! If you want to star in the film, send us noobmail! We all had a noobkissytastic time in the Noob War of Feburary 14th, we were mercilessly hugged! Rank and Gallery Update.

New Major Noob News 25th January 2004

The Noobtastic Noob & Choob Meet of the 24th went down Noobishously with all the inhabitants of Noob Scape, who noobed their heads off, at the Noobtittytascious sight of the blinding golden light given off by the highly polished Bronze Noob Armer! We later Noobed up as Noob Guards and arrested the whole of Varrock! Noobs and Choobs danced together among the bronze-rune rocks, of the Noob Wildy, one even sold his rune plate for a cabbage! Review posted in the Noob Reviews! The Noob Flash Movie is set for release...sometime soon! We hear it may have to do with Noobs and outer space, and will be multi choice, but no more leaks as yet! More Noob pics in the Noob galleries, Noob your self to sleep with us!!

The NoobSquad slithered into the Wildy today,
And dropped a pound of brass.
Along came the naughty blue choobies,
And got bitten in the rune large.

New Major Noob News 11th January 2004

The top noob film directors of the world have noobled together, to remake some of the finest Noob Movies of ALL time, to feature exclusively, ONLY Noobtittytascious miskinations in Full Bronze Armer! Check out the titles for hire at your local NoobBuster Movie Store today! (Your house and contents may be at risk if you do not return the rented video at the appointed time) Noob Gallery Update, is your noob art noob enough to hang in the Noob Galleries?

Noobuster (In Java)

New Major Noob News 01:01:04

Oh sorrow, oh joy, 2003 is dead, 2004 is born, a fresh little baby, I shall blow the New Noob Horn! 2004 is the year of the snake, so things are looking up for noobs with Jupiter and Mercury in the sky (Gods of Mirth and communication!). Ive added a new navigation system, for new noobs who dont know how to noob, and a Join The Noobs form, and somewhere in there is a Merry Noob Mass song! For Xmas I got some nooblets and a New Noob Head, so things should be kkk for the coming year! The Noob Gallery is looking pretty packed too! Send us a pic! Noob out! Major Noob Spooks.

New Major Noob News, 30th Novembver 2003

Noob Squad Galleries are up and running, there you will see the most outlandish Noob Pictures hanging, post a pic and possibly feature on CNN. Review of the NoobSquad Pirate Party is placed in reviews, many eyes were lost to the sea, and as many holes filled in the ship. Coming Soon: The unvailing of the NoobMobile! To fly this steam powered bronzed up jet car, you'll first need to pass the NoobMobile driving Test, so watch out you walking ducks! Ideas in the pipeline: Noobs in Three Dimension! Nooball, Noob Movies, Noob Chase, Noob Farm etc, the endless possibilities of the Noobs!

Major Noob News 20th November 2003

All aboard who's coming aboard!! The Jolly Noob Roger Ship has landed in port, and is taking on all the Noobs in can carry, and we shall be a sailing onto the high mercury seas of Planet Noob in search of adventure, bronze armer, and scallywag sea dog pirates that stole our cabbages from us, and sold our Noob friends to the Choobs as slaves!! We supply the salty beef, but bring your own plank. Jolly Noob Roger Ship

Major Noob News 10th November 2003

As you all know NoobSquad squaddies, this is our final chance in THIS Age to make our presents felt, in World War II RS II style on November 15th (When we will blind everyone with our impenetrably smart bronze-uniforms). SO, the NoobSquad has told me to tell you that Spookspring's one man band has drummed up SIX NEW Battle Songs for us to march to in the heat of the battle, in Noob Music. So mount up, sharpen those maces, and prepare for warfare like what has never been fought by a noob before! Noob War

Blow wind and crack your cheeks!
It's the charge of the noob brigade!
For Planet Noobian, and King George!
The NoobSquad will be saved!

It has been said that Noobs have been spotted in Runescape, having their heads pushed in fountains, tripped up near demons, and having their armour spirited off their backs with teleport spells. If you see any bullies ganging up on noobs, or our nooblets, Summon NoobSquad immediately! Dial 911 NoobSquad, and we'll surround them in an instant, in our noob mobile! (ok, so, it's a camel and cart, but we are quicker than an ambulance). Or you could email me on

By Spooksprings JMB for Planet NoobSquad © 2003-5